I was at my Bible Journaling Group the other morning (the mamas journal, chat, and pray together while our kids tear apart one of the church classrooms; it's a blessed madhouse) when I paused at something a fellow mom said to her son. He wanted a toy another child was playing with . . . and instead of asking them to share, she just told her son the toy was occupied and he could wait 'til the toy was free for use.
Until this year, it was hard to teach sharing. There was no one around to share with! Apart from play dates and time with family, Judah didn't have anyone around vying for the same toys. But. Abram is 8 months old, crawling, and reaching for EVERYTHING. Especially the toys his brother loves so much. In fact, the more Judah enjoys it, the more Abram wants it ;)
Right now, it's pretty easy. No, the baby can't play with the tiny choking-hazard objects. Judah has little interest in the baby toys, so it's all good for the now . . . but I see it coming!
So, how do you go about this? Are you in the camp of "everyone shares!" or "wait your turn!" or somewhere in between?
What is your philosophy when your child is using a toy that someone else wants vs. what do you do when you child wants something that someone else has?
In my heart, this is how I feel: I want my boys to WANT to share. I want them to care more about the other person than the toys in their small hands. I want them to be generous and kind. I want them to enjoy sharing.
BUT . . .
I don't want them to be pushovers. And I don't think they should have to "share" (aka. "give up" because, let's be honest, that's what it is most of the time) a toy just because another kid decides he/she wants it.
So, how do you choose to do it? I'm interested to hear!
Have you encountered the book "It's OK Not to Share?" It basically advocates the approach your mama friend used, making the argument that as adults, we would find it really odd if someone said "can I use your phone?" and you were expected to hand it right over even if you were using it at the time. The idea the author puts forward is that if kids are allowed to take as long as they want with a toy, when they're done with it they WILL be happy to pass it along to someone else. She also includes guidelines for respectfully managing the other child's desire to have the toy, including [depending on age] offering something else, sitting with them as they have big feelings about wanting the toy, or, in a group setting, making a waiting list of kids who want to play with a particularly awesome toy. And also acknowledges that when your kid is at the playground, it is OK to say "we can't take as-long-as-we-want turns here, playground rules are different than home rules."
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